Feeling Human

This whole postpartum thing is funny to watch unfold. The second that Claire was delivered my physical body felt completely transformed. Aside from being a little tired and sore - it was the best I'd felt in weeks. I was even having crazy thoughts of having a fourth child. (Those thoughts have vanished by the way.)

And then we get home and get into our routine. Which is a false sense of security because Nana was around keeping things on track. Still tired, not really sore, but able to focus on the baby and myself because everything else was being taken care of.

And then it's just us. And that's a little scary. The sense of entrapment starts to sink in. You realize that you are tied to this little one - every three hours. Every move I make starts with the idea, "When did she eat last, and when will she want to eat again?" This dictates my actions not only for myself but for Easton and Camille as well. We can't play outside yet because Claire needs to eat. I'm going to feed them lunch early/late because Claire needs to eat. I can't run to Target really quick to replace your toothbrushes because Daddy sprayed the bathroom with Raid when a wasp got inside because Claire will need to eat and I'm too scared to take all three of you on a trip by myself anyways.

I really believe that this is how postpartum depression begins for many women. The hormone thing combined with that feeling of trapped helplessness. Perhaps "trapped" is too harsh of a word, but I think you get the idea.

But that's not the point I wanted to discuss. I wanted to tell you how good I smell.

In the middle of my 'postpartum' saga, my husband bought me a gift. There is a great book out there called the "Five Love Languages". In a nutshell it says that there are five main ways to express love in a relationship. Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Gift Giving, Quality Time and Acts of Service. Everyone has a different language that speaks to them the most. For me, that list is in reverse order. An act of service is the sweetest thing someone could do for me, and words of affirmation are nice, but not relevant to what I NEED from a person. Spencer knows this about me and does a wonderful job of helping me exactly when I need it. From giving the kids baths to vacuuming the floor or changing a diaper - he is fabulous. But the other day he pulled one from the "gift giving" category and it was the best gift I could have gotten. Body spray. Who knew? It's called "Rain Mist" from Gap Body and smells fabulous. Go ahead, sniff me. (Not you MO). It makes me feel less like a milk supplier and more like a girl.

And isn't that what we all need?