Just call me SAHM

Most of you know that I've made the decision to be a full time mom next year. Well, starting in just a few days really.
This has really forced me to take a close look at myself and why I do what I do. It all started with my maternity leave last spring. I left school after Spring Break and my 6 week leave carried me into summer break. When August rolled around I just wasn't ready to come back to school. I'm always ready to come back to school but this time it was just a struggle. Of course I had a tiny baby and wasn't sleeping all night and Easton was starting kindergarten, so I figured it was all par for the course.
And then classes started. And our school moved from a 6 period day to a trimester schedule. I began teaching a non-performance 9th grade general music dump em in there because we think it's a good idea class. And Claire was still not sleeping through the night. And things just never got easier. They got harder. And harder.

And let me stop briefly to say that I understand that "harder" is relative. There are many, many, single moms, working moms, financially struggling moms, who would have LOVED to have my problems and I acknowledge that.

So one day in October I was driving home and it just hit me. Why? Why was I doing this? Teaching had always been an enhancement to my life. Something I did because I enjoyed it and felt like I was good at it. But now it was seriously hindering my mothering and home duties. And ladies, Spencer does A LOT. Thank goodness he is not one of "those" guys or I would have had a nervous breakdown. And for the first time instead of being afraid to be a full time stay at home mom - - it sounded attractive to me. Laundry. Doing laundry sounded fun.

And I have "Dr. Phil" issues as well. I can self analyze and tell you all about how I was very awkward in school until I started band. Playing clarinet allowed me to be cool. I was first chair. I made friends. I was a band geek and proud of it. And I realize that my "Mrs. Barham" self is nothing like my "Jenny" self. It's a role I play. It's where I get to be silly and goofy. It's where I talk non-stop. It's where I am an extrovert. It's nothing like the person I am outside of school. I am afraid to loose that person. Because there is a little teeny voice inside me that warns, if you give this up, you'll go back to that awkward kid again. And it's irrational. But at least I recognize it, right?

And now that I have only a few days left I am ready. It's okay. A year, two, three, five, who knows? Eventually I will be Mrs. Barham again and I will rediscover how horrible a beginning saxophone can really sound and how annoying percussionist of any age can be.

But I want to tell you about Doss' Spring Concert. It was fabulous. Truly fabulous. We played a jazz concert and I couldn't have asked for the kids to play any better. Of course you'll have to take my word for it because my technology skills are just sad and the recording that we got is not fit for human ears. The levels were GREAT for all who were listening in the auditorium. Not so good for my computer. I even tested it and thought that it was okay. Nope. Oh well.
During the school day we played a VIP concert for all of the teachers during their lunch periods. I ordered pizza and invited them for free pizza and free music. We had a really good turn out (duh, free pizza!) But I was most unprepared that afternoon when I checked my email. I received 15 emails from teachers telling the band how great they were. Fifteen. It might as well have been a zillion. One of the most touching moments of my career.

Hey everybody, don’t miss the chance to hear our great band. They are in room 232, and oh yea, they have pizza. But the band is better.

Great Job Mrs. Barham and band members.

Agreed. Great job band members and Mrs. Barham.

All I can say is... WOW!!! Mrs. Barham and the band, thanks for the gift of AWESOME music!

I will second that!!! Great job!

Best Concert I have ever heard!!!!

Super performance...I forgot I was eating pizza!

Absolutely Terrific!!!!! It was the BEST!!!! Thank you so much for the invitation!!! It Was Great!!!!!!!!!!!

Fantastic stuff...I see the lightbulbs you were talking about...they got it! Thanks for the gift!

Great Performance!

Was I the only one dancing???!! Great job to all involved. Thanks so much for inviting us.

Man I am so mad that I missed it today :( ... I am so sorry! From all of the reviews it sounded like it was great!! Great Job I am positive that you did wonderful! You have my support in spirit!

Enjoyed the jazz so much! Your kids (and you) did a great job! Thanks for your hard work--I know 'cause I was a music major once (when dinosaurs roamed the earth--lol). You are a great asset to our staff!

They were really outstanding! Great work! (And I have told them as well.)

I have been here for a LONG time and this is the best band we have ever had. Thank you for all you have done to make this a success.